It must be the coming new year that's prompting my self-improvement reflections, and I’ll begin with the acceptance that I’m not the best-mannered person at this webs
ite, by far, nor am I much better in person. Being slow to start an argument, I am, alas, quick to finish one. An area most pressing is my inability, when perturbed, to count to ten, or one hundred if need be, in the Jeffersonian tradition. Mind you, I'm not violent, just mouthy - a "gift" of glibness whetted by years of verbal banter within a community of banterers. Even my most congenial phrasing can come off as effrontery in certain circles.
Manners, in general, are constantly changing within cultures and over time. Here in the states, it seems that manners are declining somewhat. Not just the standard gestures like "please" and "thank-you", but the very core of politeness which revolves around a desire to not offend others.
Maybe political correctness is at the core, making us all feel like victims with the right to lash out, or maybe we're acting out our TV characters, or maybe it's simply a sign of changing times and technologies. But it does seem that 
people now look for reasons to be offended. Tabloid shows turn into brawls. Primetime television is riddled with bleeped-out expletives and sleeve-worn attitudes. Constant eruptions of flaming take place within internet comment sections.
Adam Parker, a writer for Charleston's The Post and Courier, has a piece up entitled 'What happened to our manners? In hurry-up world, civility on decline'. Even the title gets you thinking. It does take time to show good manners and the world is becoming very fast-paced.
Cindy Grosso, who runs the Charleston School of Protocol and Etiquette, agreed that civility is waning, in Charleston and beyond. The city has maintained its reputation for hospitality largely because of its history and traditions, she said. And perhaps because of the heat, which slows people down. "When you go a little slower, you do have time to say good morning, you do have time to hold the door," Grosso said.
Nationwide, good public behavior is deteriorating, and our modern life, with its growing dependence on impersonal social media, is part of the problem, she said. Quick exchanges often come across as abrupt and rude, even if intentions are good, Grosso said. And that can lead to misunderstandings. "There is a direct link, proportional to how you handle yourself and how you handle others," she said. The decline of manners, therefore, is largely a result of our own shortcomings.
Von Bakanic, a sociology professor at the College of Charleston, pointed out that the definition of good etiquette is constantly evolving. As a form of social norms and rules, manners vary according to era and economic class, Bakanic said. Historically, the people who make the rules are the affluent, those members of society with power and influence. Middle-class people are taught that, to meet these standards, they must comply with the rules of the rich.
Who are the rich these days? Consider that two of the top ten richest towns in America reside within the beltway of Washington, D.C., perhaps making us a product of a political class rather than the old industrial class. Is it possible too, with the increasing inability of the middle class to move up in society, that we put less emphasis on reflecting the mannerisms of an unattainable group? However, it's intriguing to note the type of clientele who are seeking to improve their manners:
Lois Hearn, founder and director of Charleston-based Your Manners, said she has noticed a deterioration in good etiquette lately, as well as an increase in the number of business clients she gets. They are referred by their employers who want them to improve their interpersonal skills, Hearn said.
The signs of decline are visible, she said. Table manners are missing (as family meals become less regular); hospitality falls short (as people are spread thin by more and more activities and obligations); RSVPs and written thank-you notes are few and far between among people on the run.
But a little effort up front can pay off nicely, Hearn said. One of her clients recently applied for a job, but he didn't get it. Nevertheless, he wrote the company a thank-you note. A few months later he got a call. The person hired by the company didn't work out; was there still interest in the job? The thank-you note had made a difference, Hearn said. It had helped him stand out from the crowd.
It's the little things that count - especially in the world of cooperative association. In front of me, on the desk where I type, lay a list of names. Those are the soon-to-be recipients of thank-you letters my kids will write when school starts up again. They write them whenever they receive kindnesses from relatives, friends, or neighbors and the Christmas season provides ample practice to, hopefully, reinforce that feeling of appreciation.
While written thank-yous may be going by the wayside, electronic methods of conveying respect and thanks have taken the place of those more time-consuming and expensive customs. They may be a bit more impersonal, but they allow us the ability to reach more people faster, making that sense of kindness and generosity seem very plentiful within the circles I travel - just not as formal. And less formality isn't necessarily bad if good will is plentiful.
To sum up, the loss of etiquette is somewhat understandable, given the changes in the world - especially the way people interact electronically these days. Examples from TV and the internet are the extremes which heighten our concerns of something that, most likely, is shifting but no where near extinct. And given the cyclical nature of humans, who's to say that the reported recognition of lost manners and customs, like the article above, doesn't spark a renewed interest in it, what with the good nature in society still being abundant.
Certainly, there's some catching up needed in the manners arena but I've met enough bright, laudable young adults to believe that it will happen, although probably in ways that I can't foresee - just like the technology itself. Which reminds me. Time to go check my Facebook account for any new messages from newly reacquainted friends and relatives. Here’s wishing everyone a Very Happy and Prosperous New Year; a year in which I'll be focusing on math: trying to get to ten… and then hopefully to one hundred.
AUSTIN, TX – The Republican Liberty Caucus national board is proud to endorse Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) for the Republican presidential nomination. In a field of candidates who show little genuine commitment to individual liberty or reducing the size of government, Rep. Paul stands out as a consistent champion of the values of the Republican Liberty Caucus; limited government, personal liberty and free enterprise.
Recent Comments